The Things I'm Not: A Pre- #BlogHer13 Freak Out

This past weekend, the kids were both away. Hannah is off at overnight camp, and Max spent a long weekend with my in laws. After a hectic end to June, all good things but tiring, I was very overdue for a break, and thus thankful to get it. When I was anticipating it, thinking ahead of what I'd do with all that extra time, I figured I'd definitely be blogging. But when that free day came around, well, I couldn't get myself off the couch.

I spent about six hours catching up on various Bravo shows, including the documentary "Queen of Versailles" that I recorded months ago. It looks like an extended version of a Real Housewives episode, but was really about the sub-prime crisis and totally fascinating. You should look it up. But anyway, it wasn't the most efficient use of my time, but I just didn't want to blog.

I've been thinking a lot about why I'm here - blogging - these last few weeks. Yes, we are back to that tired old topic, but where else will I discuss it? The more involved I get, the more blogs I read, the harder it becomes to not be envious of other bloggers' success. Not that everyone deserves recognition, and not that those who receive that recognition don't deserve it, but it does feel like there's not enough to go around sometimes. There are so many voices that need to be heard, voices that are telling tales of, well, everything I'm not. Tales of drunkenness and sobriety; abuse and wonderment; health and illness; infertility and multiple births; special needs parenting and single parenting; poverty and luxury; exercise fanatics and overweight acceptance; stylishness and technological savvy; crafters and foodies; meditation and impulsiveness; swearing and over-sharing; religion and politics. Then we all shout through our megaphones of choice, walking the line between excess promotion and praying someone will read it.

And then there's me. I don't neatly fit into any of those categories, and it makes it hard to find my tribe, both of other bloggers and of readers. While I love writing about "having it all," it gets a bit exhausting to frame everything that way. There are days when I'm definitely "having less" and can't read another article about sharing the housework or flexible schedules. So I have to admit there are times that I feel like my voice is really unnecessary. In the past I'd have taken a month or so off, taken time to regroup. Instead, I'm leaving for the grand dame of blogging conferences in 23 days.

I've ordered new business cards, and Marc will be helping me make some upgrades to the site and Facebook page before I go. I've been planning outfits in my head, putting more thought into my clothing than I probably ever have before. And going back to last year's post, I've been thinking a lot about the working with brands portion of this event and how I'll be spending my time while I'm there. 

So to other bloggers, this may be a cliche of a pre-BlogHer freak out post, but I have a feeling I'm not the only one feeling a bit alone and aimless heading into this event. If you're feeling that way too, I hope you'll reach out and find me while we're there. Maybe those of us who don't fit into neat little categories can find a tribe too.