Just Writing

I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself regarding the blog. I really want you to enjoy it, but also to find it useful somehow, to be telling the story of my life in a way that helps others. I want a unified theme, and a picture for every post. But honestly? That's a lot of work. All of these thoughts come and go and I can't find a way to write about them. I try to be sensitive to the people who might be reading this, and while sometimes I wish I was anonymous so that I'd be free to say more, I also don't want to go that route.

So this will be a boring, catch up post. And I have to tell myself that I'm allowed that (it is my blog, after all), and if I want this to be a chronicle of my life, I have to admit that life is sometimes boring.

Which the last week of summer truly was. Work had been very busy all of August, and even with the kids gone a couple of days, I was completely burnt out. I managed to get some extra exercising sessions in, but I generally felt so frazzled and fried, like a bunch of exposed nerve endings. So while I had a few days in a row of not much to do, it didn't feel very good. I tried to console myself by saying that it was good to stay home and just be, that there are plenty of busy weekends and days ahead, but that only gets me so far. While I hoped the quiet days would soothe me, I think they had the opposite effect.

The kids went back to school on Tuesday and are off to a good start. They both have great teachers this year, and seem excited about all of the new things offered in their classrooms (except for Max and swim lessons at the indoor pool - he is very opposed to those). Religious school starts this weekend, and I'm anxious to see how Hannah will be impacted by adding Tuesday afternoons to her routine. Hannah just seems so old to me these days, like the four year age gap between her and Max is longer than it ever has been. But then Max will do something mature and surprise me, too.

While it may be surprising news to Marc, I feel like I'm actually giving more thought to the High Holidays this year. Maybe it's that I'm getting a little older too - 35 next month - but I'm looking past assembling outfits for everyone to wear and writing out new year's cards. I am trying to work on myself more, on figuring out exactly what I'm doing and what I'm trying to get out of it. Five years have passed since I last took stock of my life and while I've seen some of those expected moments come to pass, it seems like it's all gone by in a flash.

So, no big message in posting here today. Maybe it's just another Friday after another long week. Maybe I'm just tired.